Ye auld duffer – an explanation

We have long since left the Sturm-und-Drang of youth and have reached a year-quantity which gives us the right to be right about everything. Here follows a non-exhaustive list of signs of dufferdom, in case you would find yourself searching for such an individual for the purpose of requesting his [see section 2 below] wisdom. Or, even better, arrive at the insight that you yourself have reached such an exalted state. The list below does not constitute a complete compilation of signs of duffer-ness. It should rather be seen as a useful heuristic to identify said auldies.

You might very well be a duffer, if you:

1. … and your friends use terms such as “old chap” and “bean” in addressing each other.

2. … you are a man. This is a necessary condition, since a decent chap would not dream of calling a lady a “duffer”, “bean” or “chap”. That would be most improper.

3. .. have seen a lot of life, and therefore, regardless of your superiority, is quite humble in both your intellectual and moral ponderings, and in your social interactions with your fellow humans.

4. … remember things from the 1970s. If you remember things from eras before that, even better. However, if you remember things from previous lives, that does NOT count. Furthermore, if you are truly auld and do not remember much, do not worry.

5. … know proper behavior and are polite and kind. However, you do not overly care what others think of you, such as wearing the same old tweed jacket, or enjoying a single malt on a Tuesday afternoon. However, nose-picking and other non-polished behavior might have it charms, but should be left out of public places (watch out for camera drones).

6. … enjoy cakes and ale.

7. Having children is not at all a necessary condition (!), but if you are so blessed (?), here are some signs of your auldness:
  a) You repeatedly say to them: “When I was your age…”
  b) Your children tells you: “Dad, you already told that story a hundred times…”.
  c) You have grandchildren.
If your same-age kith and kin show some of these signs, you are probably auld, too.

8. While your long life has sharpened your wits, and you have the ability to apply ruthless logic to any problem, and your vast life experience gives you an upper hand in any argument, you also have started to be as easily distracted as when you were a child.

9. In addition to the above qualitative criteria, we have added a quantitative one for the sake of the production of this audiocast. A duffer is at least forty (40) years of age. However, you are allowed to listen to us if you are younger.

10. Many duffers are known to have used traveler’s cheques.

11. Postcards.